In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
