Where did you get a picture of my penis
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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