so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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