her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize