Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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