I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think your dad took our porno
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
