dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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