Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
