I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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