I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
