By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
