hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
