There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
