it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
