Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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