i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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