it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
