big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize