the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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