I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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