I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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