I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
