he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
