Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize