What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
