Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
