Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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