i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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