watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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