that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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