Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
