Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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