Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
did you just send me my own nude
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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