I can text with my tongue
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
