considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
