Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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