So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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