is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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