I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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