There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
