hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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