is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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