It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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