When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
