I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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