If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
