im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
