last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
