Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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