Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the night ended with taco bell and tears
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
