Will you blow on my dice?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
