i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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