Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
