i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
