two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
