I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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