evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
