I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
