So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
