I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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