she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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