3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
