I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
