Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
