mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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