it's too hot outside to masturbate.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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