It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't deserve a penis
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
