So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
