When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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