He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
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These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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