I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
