Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list