You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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