This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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