They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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