Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
